American synagogue bulletins paint a telling portrait of modern Jewish congregational life - one that prioritizes social events and fundraising over religious discourse and education. Analysis of 90 weekly bulletins from Conservative, Reform, Reconstructionist, and Orthodox congregations reveals a striking reluctance to engage with substantive Jewish issues. Through systematic content analysis of editorial policies, advertising practices, rabbinic columns, and programmatic announcements collected over several years, clear patterns emerge. Only 22% of bulletins feature rabbinic columns, with most avoiding controversial contemporary topics in favor of safer themes. Commercial printing companies have contributed to a marked standardization of bulletin formats and content across denominations. Educational materials remain sparse and often defensive in tone, mirroring broader challenges in post-Bar Mitzvah retention. While congregation calendars overflow with social activities and fundraising initiatives, deeper religious programming receives minimal attention. Though these bulletins document the quantitative expansion of American Jewish institutional life, they simultaneously reveal a trend toward secularization and limited engagement with fundamental religious and communal concerns.