Parental abandonment profoundly shapes one's conception of divine presence, yet the absence of God paradoxically enables deeper spiritual connection. Through autobiographical narrative methodology, this theological reflection traces a journey from childhood trauma to spiritual understanding, examining how a father's physical absence influenced interpretations of God's ineffability. The analysis reveals three pivotal theological phases: an initial embrace of Rubenstein's "death of God" theology as liberation from traditional theism, followed by Kaplan's naturalistic framework of divine immanence through interconnectedness, and ultimately, Heschel's mystical understanding of divine hiddenness as revelatory presence. Personal trauma serves as a hermeneutical lens for engaging classical Jewish theological concepts, particularly tzimtzum and divine ineffability. Drawing on sources from Hasidic texts to contemporary Jewish thought, the investigation demonstrates how experiential knowledge of abandonment can deepen rather than diminish theological understanding. While human absence represents loss, God's ineffability generates profound mystery and joy, offering a transformative framework for spiritual wholeness despite personal loss.